Blogging about WEIGHT.

Ok, I honestly have no idea why I'm doing this... but I'm going to do it. I'm going to start blogging about my weight. I obviously have a problem with my weight, so anyone who knows me in real life won't be surprised by any of this. It's not like people don't see me for how I really look and I'm hiding some horrible secret. I walk around every day and the first thing people see is my biggest (and one of my only) problem(s).

So, maybe I'm doing this because, why not? No one will be surprised or really care anyway. This is for me. Maybe I'm doing it because I hope it will help me stay accountable and stick to a real exercise and weight loss routine. Maybe it's because the number is so high that I feel a detachment from it, like this isn't really me anyway! Whatever the reason, who cares. I want to start keeping track of my weight (and hopefully, weight LOSS) and I might as well blog about it. I know there are plenty of other fatties out there that might feel the same way about stuff that I do, so hopefully we can commiserate together.

Here's the brutal truth. I just weighed myself (and I just got home from day 1 at the gym, so this number is probably lower than what it actually is) ...and I weigh 201.4 lbs. That's right. TWO HUNDRED. Trust me, it's not very liberating to admit that. But it's not like I hide it well, either. I bet most people would have guessed that I weigh more than that. Oh, btw, that was also a 39.5% body fat reading, which I'm pretty sure classifies me as morbidly obese.

This is all super depressing, but at the current moment, I'm very motivated to change. I'm really good at changing my habits and sticking to my guns about things. After all, I've been a vegetarian for 10 years! But that's a pretty easy one. Exercising and eating right are really tough for me. But, I have new insight this time around. I've really tried to pinpoint what causes me to fail at losing weight. I've come up with a few key things that cause me to stop my weight loss routine:

1. Pain. I have some pretty legit and serious back issues and a chronic foot problem that I've had since high school. Like I said, I just got back from day 1 at the gym after not going for at least 6 months... I'm already in agony, popping Aleve and trying to sit or lay in every position imaginable to stop the searing burning pain in my upper back. So, yeah, going back to the gym tomorrow morning already sounds like torture. Plus, it's not like I lifted a bunch of weights or something... this is just from cardio!

2. Lack of results. If I don't drop 10 pounds in the first 10 days, I feel like it's not working. I get frustrated and binge on an entire large Papa John's pizza, the whole time thinking "EFF IT! I'm not losing any weight anyway!" Obviously, I set unrealistic goals and use the "failure" as a reason to stop.

3. I don't drink water. Seriously...like, never. The only liquids I ingest are coffee, tea, and soda. This is my number one priority now. Everything else I do won't do jack shit if I don't start drinking water. A trainer/fitness guru/bodybuilder/all-around-badass acquaintance of mine suggested drinking 90 oz of water a day minimum, with lemon. The days I've actually hit that goal or come close to it, I've noticed a HUGE difference in my everyday life. Even if I'm not working out or eating right. Today, I've had about 56 oz in the last three hours... and I haven't peed even once. I'm sure this is TMI, but c'mon... how dehydrated must I be! I'm hoping this will be the key to my success this time around.

4. I really like food. I like food way more than I should. Most days, food is my only source of comfort and happiness. Now, this is probably an intensive-therapy-worthy revelation, but I'm not trying to dig that deep with it. I need to just "man up" and start having some damn self control. I know that I just simply can't eat out in restaurants anymore. Fast food is easy for me to cut out, since I don't eat hamburgers anyway, but I love me my Islands and Olive Garden. The problem is, I eat enough food at these types of places to feed all of Somalia. If I cook at home, I'm perfectly satisfied and feel full after having a normal-sized sandwich, withOUT french fries, breadsticks and alfredo sauce. Mmmm... alfredo sauce... See? I have a problem. And I know that I can't go to Olive Garden and eat one breadstick. I have to eat 6. So, this means I just can't go at all. I'm cooking at home from now on, or until I REALLY learn how to make healthy choices at restaurants. I've heard it can be done, but I'm obviously no where near being ready.

5. General laziness/lack of motivation/being "too busy." Well, this is just bull shit. I tell myself that I'm too busy, but I'm not too busy. I'm too lazy. Or too tired. Anyone can always find something else to do besides going to the gym, or say it's just easier to eat out rather than cook. But that doesn't mean I don't actually have the time. Sometimes I'm legitimately in too much pain to go work out, but that's no excuse for eating like a hog. And if I have enough time to write this stupid blog, obviously I have plenty of time to go to the gym and cook at home. I just don't want to. So, it's time to just change.

Hopefully these are the only things I need to change. "Only"... haha! This stuff is all really huge and really hard for me. For some people, working out and eating right is a passion and pleasurable. Well, for me it's like going to the dentist. But hey, I'm an adult. I have to do things that I don't want to do because I know they're good for me. We all have to go to the dentist even if we don't want to. That reminds me.... I need to go to the dentist. haha....

Ok everyone, wish me luck! Hopefully by this time next year I'll have a bunch of blogs written, I'll be at least 50 lbs lighter, and I'll finally be more flexible than gram!

[ j. ]